Hello Dear Reader. I think you’ll agree with me when I say that when you peer cautiously out the other side of a two-day white wine hangover, the last thing you think about is ‘what a delightful drunken snack I consumed the other night’. Normally all you can feel is the bile of regret creeping up in your throat. However, I bring you good news. If ever you make the poor choice of drinking vats of Pinot Grigio with a Welsh person at Gordon’s, don’t go to the Charing Cross Maccy’s, instead stumble yourself into Five Guys for glorious burger and fries.
‘How useful will this review actually be, Tiffany? You were drunk when you went there and now you’re hungover writing the review.’ I hear what you’re saying. But, the one thing that gives me confidence in my abilities to review Five Guys, despite my state that night is that I can actually remember what I ordered and what I ate and when I was there I managed to get photographic evidence of this as well. So ner.
Obviously, ordering bacon because FUCK CANCER, so for me it’s the bacon cheeseburger with lettuce, mayo, ketchup and jalapenos and Five Guys Style Fries for me. For my Welsh friend it was the bacon cheeseburger with mushrooms, jalapenos and hot sauce (because she wasn’t in enough trouble already, obvs), with Cajun fries.
Five Guys is fantastic because you can customize your toppings on your burgers, but this can pose a challenge when inebriated. And how was it? Well it’s all the glorious real, fresh burger that you dream of, even when you’re sober. The burgers are juicy, the buns fresh and squishy and it actually tastes like glorious food. Best of all, you won’t wake up with a tummy full of regret the next morning, wandering through your flat like bloated salty zombie (the state of your hangover I can’t vouch for).
Do it. Eschew McClown Meat for an actual, real burger by Five Guys and taste the glory.